Scottish Jokes Nr. 9 & 10

A wee boy came home from school and told his Mother he had been given a part in the school play.

"That's great Son," says the Mother, "What part is it?" The boy says "I play the part of the Scottish husband!"

His mother scowled and said: "Go back and tell your teacher you want a speaking part."
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There was an Scotsman, an Englishman and Claudia Schiffer sitting together in a train carriage. Suddenly the train went through a tunnel, and as it was an old style train,there were no lights in the carriages and it went completely dark.

There was a kissing noise and the sound of a really loud slap. When the train came out of the tunnel, Claudia Schiffer and the Scotsman were sitting as if nothing had happened, and the Englishman had his hand against his face.

The Englishman was thinking: 'The Scottish fella must have kissed Claudia Schiffer, and she missed him, and slapped me instead.'

Claudia Schiffer was thinking: 'The English fella must have tried to kiss me and actually kissed the Scotsman, and got slapped for it.'

And the Scotsman was thinking: 'This is great. The next time the train goes through a tunnel I'll make that kissing noise, and slap that English b****** again.