Phone Menu @ Mental Hospital

Phone Menu @ Mental Hospital


"Hello. Welcome to the mental hospital hotline. Please listen to our
menu and press the appropriate number.

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

If you are paranoid we know who you are and what you want.

If you are delusional press 7 and your call will be transferred to
the mother ship.

If you are schizophrenic listen carefully and a small voice will
tell you which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive it doesn't matter which number you
press, no one will answer.

If you are dyslexic press 9696969696.

If you have a nervous disorder please fidget with the pound key
until a representative comes on the line.

If you have amnesia press 8 and state your name, address, telephone
number, date of birth, social security number and your mother's
maiden name.

If you have post-traumatic stress disorder s-l-o-w-l-y and
c-a-r-e-f-u-l-l-y press 0 0 0.

If you have short-term memory loss press 9. If you have short-term
memory
loss press 9. If you have short-term memory loss press 9.

If you have low self-esteem just go ahead and hang up now. All
operators are too busy to talk to you.

If you are blonde don't press any buttons. You'll just screw it up."