New medicine breakthroughs

St. Mom's Wort ... Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to six hours.

Empty Nestrogen ... Highly effective suppository that eliminates melancholy by enhancing the memory of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait til they moved out.

Peptobimbo ... Liquid silicone for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and improves flirting.

Dumerol ... When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low I.Q. causing enjoyment of rap music.

Flipitor .. Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.

Buyagra ... Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency and duration of spending spree.

Jack Asspirin ... Relieves the headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary or
phone number.

Anti-talksident ... A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories
with total strangers.

Sexcedrin ... Bedroom aerosol spray for men. More effective than Excedrin in treating the, "Not now, dear, I have
a headache," syndrome.

Ragamet ... When administered to a husband, provides the same irritation as ragging on him all weekend, saving the wife the time and trouble of doing it herself