In Sept right after they joined they ask me for a wisteria plant . He wanted it off a Blooming mother and potted up taken thru the stress to make sure it lived then he wanted me to box it up and ship it for some cannas. I informed him I was killing it off and he strongly suggested I try it for a trade. I am usually easy going so I agreed to dig one after it went dormant and see how it goes. to contact me in the spring and see how it went. He contacts me about a week ago and informs me I should leave DG. I informed him I have been a paying member for over 12 years and wasn't leaving. This was my reply to him
I have been a paid member here for 12 years and I have no intention of leaving. You think for one min I would leave over not trading with you. I have a life and I am not on here days and months at a time. Let me get this straight you want me me to dig up a plant, baby it through shock and if it don't live do it all over then wrap it up and mail it to you for cannas I can get anywhere with alot less work postage and hassel and because I haven't done what you want I should leave all my friends here? Do you think strongly persuading me to trade with you or leave DG is going to change anything.
As I can read what I said I ask you to
Quoting:
Dmail me in the spring and we will see how it is going.
And it is not spring incase you haven't noticed it is July and you are just now getting with me about it? mmmmm
Had you ask me nicely I would have thought about it but the wisteria is out in the garbage for the city to pick up in the morning. I am not a push over you can bully into getting your way.
Have a good evening and it is ok with me if you report me as I have done nothing wrong. You on the other hand have. But go ahead and make my day....
I am going to take my coffee outside in the morning and enjoy watching the wisteria go by by as the truck takes the big arm and raises the trash can over the truck and the wisteria disappears into the abiss
Happy gardening
Sandy
Wanted you all to be aware Willems may Dmail and try this with someone else
CLOSED: There is someone on here that is not a paying member
Sondra, thank you for the heads up. I am happy to trade or share for postage, but sometimes I get so discouraged waiting for reimbursement, or letting me know that the box arrived. I have nurtured and loved my gardens for over 50 years and I want my plants to be lovingly taken care of and then shared with others. I really wonder when I am asked to dig something that will not survive, let alone thrive and then when it dies, be asked to replace it. The wonderful friends I have met and shared with far outweigh the negative, so like you, I will continue. Occasionally I to will say NO.
Mittsy,
You should not ship to someone before they send the postage. You are so good to share, there is no reason someone should not send their $$ promptly and not waiting!
Sondra,
Least you haven't lost your sense of humor :o)
Enjoyed your post - LOL
People are funny sometimes!
I'm having similar problems. I have had some trades and plants for postage where:
1. I've not been sent shipping costs for a bubble envy of seeds.
One member received my seeds but didn't send the postage after promising they would. I D-mailed several times, and they promised to send me postage with various excuses why it was taking so long, and then they would not respond at all, and just seemed to have disappeared. The second was a very nice person and I think she just forgot. I did not bother her about it.
2. I've had to ask several times for shipping costs for a box of plants that I sent BEFORE getting the postage costs. Several assurances they had sent the money, then told me they FOUND the envelope somewhere which had NOT been sent and they then sent it out. I did finally get get it but geesh.
3. The person I've already sent my end of a trade to tells me they are sending the plants by a certain day and the box doesn't arrive. I have to contact them over and over to receive my plants.
4.Members who have received my trade do not take a moment to let me know the box has arrived safely - you're not alone Mittsy! I then have to contact them.
In all cases, these people contacted me about a trade, not the other way around. I am finding these things happening more than they used to. It's becoming down right frustrating! I enjoy sharing for postage and trading with members but this is making it harder be a good experience. I am now making a list of people who I will no longer trade or share with.
Linda
I haven't done that much trading, don't have time, but this is all good information.
I'm so saddened to hear these stories as I was a rookie once and marvel(ed) about the generosity of others that could and did/does share. I had a blast looking things up, searching and finding gardeners who had that special something I would really like.
I DO NOT want a few bad apples spoiling the whole bunch. It's ridiculous some people can't take personal responsibility and hold up their end of the honor system. IMHO, I don't think keeping personal lists is good enough, there must be a way to share those lists...I'll be thinking long and hard about it.
Robin
I would report this incident to Admin. I doubt you are the only one....either way they need to know about stuff like this.
You just ask for your your end first. I had to change to that for postage and somtimes getting my end first. There was a lady on FB that sent someone money not just postage and got dead plants and the lady told her they would live. When I found out I sent her a large flat rate box for postage. I wanted her to know not everyone was bad. She was thrilled when she got it this spring. I haven't found many DGers but there have been some.
Yeah I have had my share of bullies in my life including my son. You have to learn to leave them alone and laugh. After my son tried to have me committed I went into a deep depression and had suffered depression for years. It got really bad and I ended up having 10 ECT (shock) treatments. They worked awesomely and I laugh all the time. I no longer see my son and of course he won't let me see my DGD's it has been 2 years but they will come back. I can text one and recently the other one started texting me from her ipod. It has been hard as I practically raised them. It is awesome to think they will soon be 13 and 15 and won't take no to coming to see me.
I have had more great people on here than bad and I love all of you!!
mittsy I hope you got my check. I hope my David mailed it as I made it out the same day :)
Still working on getting my end of trade #3, mentioned above in my message.
When I didn't receive anything on Tuesday, I contacted the member, asking for a tracking #. It seems my plants were dug on Wednesday of last week, were supposed to be sent that day or Thursday and the person didn't get around to sending them until I reminded her yesterday. She described the daylily foliage as "sad and yellow." I wonder if this plant will make it. I have to think that she didn't keep the roots in water, as I do before sending. You can keep daylilies that are cleaned and trimmed in water for quite a while, as long as you change the water frequently.
Before we finalized the trade, she asked if I wanted anything else. I told her I'd like a small piece of a dwarf iris that she had too. I sent her multiple fans of a reblooming TB Iris and a reblooming IB Iris. I just checked my mail and she sent another message that, by the way, she forgot to tell me that she did not send the dwarf iris because she found borers in the some of the rhizomes in the clump of the iris I wanted. Oh well, she said, at least the daylily is healthy. I some how doubt that. I do not send daylilies with foliage that is "sad and yellow."
If I've not traded with someone before, I've decided that I am no longer sending my end of a trade until I receive the other traders box. That way, at least I should be happy with the trade or WE will have to work something out so that we're BOTH happy.
Glad I was able to get this off my chest. I'm really upset.
Linda
Linda, I am in the process of stripping my gardens and I would be happy to send you a box full of named daylilies for postage. I have 6 or 7 different ones and am enjoying watching them bloom for the last time. I am getting the place ready to sell so I do not want anything in trade.
Linda,
I'm sorry to hear of your experience. there are always a few people who take advantage of others. I think that your decision to ask the other person to send first is a good one, as this way you can be sure you get your trade and that it is decent.
There are alot of good people on DG. I hope that future trade experiences with some great people help make up for this poor experience.
mittsy you are a dear. Thank you so much for your offer. We had a trade last year and you were MORE than generous. I don't really need any more daylilies, but that isn't the point. The point is that I'm now having more problems than easy trades. I've been a subscriber for 10 years and have made some WONDERFUL trades with DG members in the past.
The question is what's going on now that is causing the change in people? It's frustrating. And I don't think it's fair to us, like mittsy, who try to go out of our way to be fair in our trades.
Thank you all for listening to my rant. Good luck in your move, mittsy!
Linda
If anyone needs any white or dutch blue (lavender rebloomers) iris please hit me up. no guarantee on which you will get but i have thousands to thin
I am glad I posted this. I am happy we all are getting things off our chest that is what family and friends are for. I did report them as when suggested here I thought there are others who are not strong enough to speak up. I will let you all know what admin says.
I don't come on as much as I use to but would not give up being a subscriber for anything. I have so many and some of you I have known on here for a long time. I consider this place my family. There is always spammers and cons everywhere. We just have to stay one step ahead. Like getting our end before we send postage or plants.
I have received so many beautiful things from people here for postage and trades. I let my length of time and feedback speak for me. They can look for posts I have made over the years as how I interact with people and how many true friends I have made. (which is probably in the 100's. I have moments I forget things especially since the ECT treatments. But I feel really really bad when I do.
Feel free anytime even if you are a lurker on this thread to send me a dmail if you just need to talk. I am going to try to be on here more. If any of you have FB I am Sandy Crupe Zacot. I belong to alot of gardening things and groups on there. You can message me there also. I got married 6 months ago today and haven't updated my account here yet. I love being called Sondra as that is the name my mom and dad gave me.
This is like our friendly chat thread. Sondra I hope you like what I sent you, I was just looking at the list and it was because 7 DG members shared with me that I was able to share these plants with you.
I was gifted with many crosses by members, I never realized at the time that they wouldn't live long enough to see the fruits of their labors. But now I find myself in the same position, as we put our house up for sale and I try to find homes for all my crosses that have yet to bloom. I crossed several Siberians with Borglum's Seneca Midnight Blue trying to get a very, very tall striking one to name after my grand daughter. She was always the tallest student in the class and we had trouble finding shoes to fit her. Now she is 19 and a tall beauty.
It is sad that some People take advantage of the generosity of others. I have only had one experience where the trader did not follow through, she said she mailed it (a Canna Bulb) but it never showed up. She said she would send another (because it must have got lost) and it never showed either. But I decided to chalk that one up to experience(Lesson learned ). I have had GREAT experiences with so many DGers, I refuse to let one bad egg ruin it for me!
Unfortunately there are a lot of unscrupulous people in this world. I will go on doing what I do and Karma will eventually catch up to those who take advantage of good ,honest people.Maybe not today, but someday.
I heard from admin and they said looked like I did a good job handling the situation. They will definitely look out for any other problems with him.
I do alot of local swaps and that is fun too. I won't let anyone deter me from trading. It has gotten so expensive to mail things that it has to be really worth the money to send something for what I am receiving. So many plants I have on my want list are just not worth the trade for the postage they cost. I am sure I will still send extras for postage when I have a chance.
I am glad this thread has allowed us to talk about what bothers us. It was holding things in so many years that contributed to my depression. Depression is anger turned within. After so long it affects the chemicals in the brain. But I am all about being there so others can vent.
(((((HUGS))))) to all of you
Hi everyone, how do you get a plant swap locally? I know this sounds really stupid but I am going to do our 1st annual plant swap with our master gardener group this August, the third week, good time for swapping and sharing. I have been a member 10+ years and we have never swapped plants which I think is crazy. But it would be nice to include other people and was just curious how you go about doing that?
Oh Mittsy I can't imagine leaving your beautiful gardens and flowers....wow! Are you going to be able to take alot with you? In the past I have gotten beautiful flowers from you. Short of daylilies I can't think of plants I have. 3 years of horrible drought my hostas (some did not survive and I live with well water so.... can't water flowers) are finally just making a come back since this year has been extremely wet.
So I am curious, what plants do you plant that increases but doesn't take over the entire garden, some plants I am just afraid of for that reason...lol Now I do have a rather nice clump of a couple of beautiful Siberian iris that Mittsy shared with me but short of daylilies, cone flowers, orange poppy (but do not know how to share those it took 3 years to get them started) and black eyed susan's I don't seem to have a mass of anything.
Sorry a little of topic but sure would appreciate advice. Thank you.
The plant swaps in our area I learned from another DGer. Some DGers meet for round ups. You can start one or look under the Round up thteDs. One I go to here and Arlington is Dgers and the others just gardeners in the area have them. It is great to trade or better to visit with gardeners.
Yeap our group of DG'ers have at least one round up a year, sometimes spring and fall. I couldn't make the spring one this year. Thank goodness for the dg'ers....
Daylilies arrived Thursday. I'm posting a picture of what they looked like - and still do, for that matter. They were not boxed but sent in a bubble envelope, which I would not do during the warm weather because plastic bubble wrap does not allow the plants to breathe. I use boxes for all green plants with layers of newspaper and clean paper towels between layers of plants. I only send seeds in bubble envelopes.
They were very dry - as you can see from the picture - and after soaking for two days, look pretty much the same. The water I'm pouring off when I change it is kind of gummy. I don't know if these pieces are going to make it. I think my best bet is to keep hydrating them until they look a bit better - hopefully some green leaves will start - and then pot them up until the weather cools down around the first week of September. It was 88 here today with high humidity and it's supposed to hit 90 tomorrow. The last couple of days is really the first HOT weather we've had. It could finally be the beginning of our summer time weather. It's been rainy all of June and well into July. Now, with the heat, we may stop getting the rain too. That usually happens here in Western PA this time of year.
The week between when they were dug and when they were finally sent out and the way they look tells me they were never soaked in water. I like to soak both irises and daylilies the night before I send them out.
Let me know what you think of my new Jolyene Nichole fans. I'm not sure how I'm going to handle things if the pieces die on me.
Linda
daylilies are really really tough, you might be surprised they may still take off. I have figured out they will grow from just a root. One time when I dug I had just some pieces of roots and I threw them in a pot, labeled it just roots and sit it on the shelf. Low and behold in several weeks later I had plants...I was shocked.
Hope they survive for you.
I agree with Joyce DLs are pretty tough. They can survive extremes in weather, better than most plants. I think with a little TLC they might be OK. I would pot them, put them in the shade for a few days, keep them watered, and see if they bounce back. Did you get those in a trade or from a commercial Grower?
Nanny, these came in a trade from another Dave's member who "forgot" to mail them for a week after digging them, until I reminded her that I didn't receive her end of the trade - read my messages above for the complete story.
I guess the point is, that I shouldn't have to "baby" or worry if these plants are going to make it. I sent well hydrated, nicely trimmed and tagged reblooming irises in trade and received these. I will pot these up and not plant them in the ground. With this heat we are getting, this is the type of weather where you can easily get crown rot to rear its ugly head.
I grow probably between 200 and 300 different daylilies and have traded for 10 years and have never received plants in the condition these came in.
Linda
Linda,
Nor should you ever expect to receive a trade with mostly dead plants as you received. That's PRETTY SAD, and that's putting it mildly! This woman should be ashamed to send these dayliles to you in that condition. You should leave a rating on her page indicating the condition of the trade and lenght of time it took to get her end...and be honest, I would like to know who this is because I would not want to experience a trade such as this.
Most DG'ers are just great, but I dont know if people dont THINK or dont have a brain, or WHAT! I recently got some plants (via mail, not a "friend") and the peony root fell apart in my hand when I opened the package as it was so dried out. The rest of the trade plants were not in great shape either.
it's discouraging, at least.
If I had any inkling that this person did not know how to send out plants - timely manner and well hydrated - I would have mentioned how I send a trade to her in advance. I've done this before for newer members who mentioned they did not know the best way to dig and send out plants in trade. She had good feedback when I checked - I ALWAYS check now before finalizing a trade - so, so much for reading feedback left for us members!
Just changed the water again, and the plants look about the same.
The other trade that I think was the absolute worst one I received was rooted cuttings of a really pretty double Dianthus. The weather was already hot, and it was late spring. They also arrived in a bubble envelope and the cuttings were completely wrapped in plastic wrap. You can only imagine what they smelled like when I opened the envelope. Most had melted and were moldy from the heat and being in plastic for the trip from Utah to PA. I found two pieces that I trimmed up and put in water and was able to root to plant later. I had this plant for two years, which sometimes happens with some of the newer varieties of Dianthus.
Oh well, live and learn I guess.
Linda
Sorry Linda I guess I missed that part in your first post. I always try to dig mine the day before or the night before they go out in the mail so they have the best chance of surviving. I think if I had done them and let them sit for a week I would have dug new plants to send. I learned from veteran traders how to pack plants to mail. NEVER let the plants touch the plastic as you said,wrap in newspaper and keep separated by paper. It is really not that hard. But perhaps this person. has not been instructed in the best way to ship plants.
[quote="Nanny23"]Sorry Linda I guess I missed that part in your first post. I always try to dig mine the day before or the night before they go out in the mail so they have the best chance of surviving.
I think if I had done them and let them sit for a week I would have dug new plants to send. I learned from veteran traders how to pack plants to mail. NEVER let the plants touch the plastic as you said,wrap in newspaper and keep separated by paper. It is really not that hard. But perhaps this person. has not been instructed in the best way to ship plants.
Plants and plastic do not do well together especially in the heat. I wet a paper towel wrap the roots then put that in a plastic baggie, making sure that the paper towels protects the stem or leaves from the plastic. Then I wrap the entire plant in newspaper to protect the foliage from damage. Like you I try to make sure they are well hydrated before packing.
At the top of the trading forum, there is a "how to pack" tutorial that someone did, that I found VERY helpful when I was a newbie here!
Yes that is a good source of info too. I read it , and asked questions from other traders.
on not having to baby plants, in North Texas, in my yard and garden (I am dry prairie and all the water in the world only changes that a little) I have to baby almost everything and keep it in posts on the porch on the north side and water daily then plant in october. I have 3 daylilies from RU out there right now. Not that there was anything wrong with them, but I know my yard and it is a murderer
I feel for you Gypsi. I know that there are areas in Texas that don't get the rain they need. I have a half-brother in Malakoff and for a few years their drought was so bad that the lake near them was down so low that no one could use the boat ramps. They have managed to get sufficient rain since then so things are back to normal.
We on the other hand had lots of rain in May, June, and part of July. Almost too much. A town not far from me said that they had 26 rain days in June. That is quite unusual for our area at this time of year. We also had quite a snow cover last winter. Almost 28 inches at one time, before it started to melt.
Other years can be a different story. For a couple of summers, we had little rain in July and August and lots of heat and humidity. It was just miserable dragging the hose to try to keep the annuals and perennials alive. The grass went brown and dormant until the weather cooled off and we got some rain at the end of August. I thought for sure the grass was a goner! The only advantage to that was that we didn't have to cut the grass twice a week as we've been doing this year since it started growing in the spring!
Good luck on keeping your plants happy and healthy down your way.
Linda
Igrowinpa, I had received in trade some Daylily fans that looked just like yours. I'm sure you would appreciate something encouraging like this.
I soaked them for twenty-four hours and just planted them a couple of days ago as is. Our weather is very similar and I have some new green growth just starting. I'm sure yours will do just fine.
I also agree if I forgot to mail that I would dig more. It can happen but easier for me to get them back in the ground and dig fresh ones to mail. Plastic I would think anyone would know wasn't a good idea. I hope the daylillies make it OK for you.
Thank you all for your kind wishes for my plants. Still soaking and changing water, but I will be potting them up soon. I 'm sure they will make it, but I had been expecting better fans than I received. Just a bit disappointed, really.
Linda
Understandable
Very understandable. I would too
Linda,
You could have talked to me about your disappointment instead of making it public. Instead of building a grudge and releasing it publicly, you could have just asked me what was up. I am not a rookie, nor am I trying to get away with anything. And if your life is so peaceful and predictable that you never screw up, then I think you have something to be very thankful for. I hope the oodles of sympathy expressed on this thread makes you feel better.
I would like to be accountable if you find the JN does not survive, which I already expressed to you in a d-mail last week. Even though I have no clue what soaking them for a week might do to them. I don't think they are as tender as you think they are. I've been growing them for many years and find them relatively hard to kill. You are right, I've never shipped daylilies, but when I have received them from professional growers they have always been dry, and have not had a problem with them growing once I planted them.
Why are you upset that I failed to send bad rhizomes? I broke my arm at the end of May, and was not able to give the maintenance that I usually do to my hundreds of irises after blooming. I did not suspect the clump I wanted to share with you had borers. I have had them in a different bed, not near that one, but this year they must have decided on a change of scenery. So are you angry because I took too long to tell you? Or because you wanted me to send the rhizomes with the borers in them? Or because you thought I was just being negligent?
I thought the number of DLs was adequate as a trade for the irises received, and did not realize that would be a disappointment to you. I genuinely wanted to get it to the PO sooner, I was not able because I work full time, and my pregnant family member was hospitalized for 8 days while doctors tried to induce labor. So instead of going to the PO I had to do things like launder her underwear and feed and walk the dog and stay with her while her spouse went home to catch a few hours of sleep. I removed my whole clump of JN, and sent half to you and half to Mipii. So I'm not sure what you would have had me send instead, but you at least could have asked! It would have made the situation so much less crappy if you had given me an opportunity to do better.
I posted this to this thread as a warning to others to be careful with trading. As I said above, I have had a string of trading problems of late, more than I've had in the past. Dave's members who are actively trading need to be aware of trading issues that are going on right now.
Instead of explaining all of this here today, why did you not give me the courtesy of just good communication WHILE our trade was going on?
I just rechecked my D-mail and heard nothing more from you regarding your end of the trade after 9:09 Am Wednesday July 8th - when you said that my plants were going out that day or the following day, until Tuesday 1:57 July 14th, AFTER I D-mailed you with a friendly email asking if you had a tracking number for the plants because I had not received anything from you as yet and the mail had already come for Tuesday. The way things have been with the postal service, I'm apt to blame them for missing or tardy mail, not necessarily the person sending me something. I would think it reasonable that if you had sent the plants even on Thursday with Priority Mail, I would have received them before the following Wednesday. I did not find out that the plants HAD NOT been sent out, until I sent you the email asking for a tracking number, and you responded that you had not sent out the plants, even though they had been dug and were ready to go out the week before. Life happens, I understand that. But why did you not let me know so I would know not to expect a package coming from you?
I did not find out that the iris was not included until the next day, Wednesday, July 15th at 6:47 PM, when you told me about the borers and your broken arm keeping you from giving your irises as much attention you usually do.
Was I disappointed at that point? You bet I was. Now, I know I have package coming in that has daylilies that have been dug a week and not sent, as well as I'm not receiving a small piece of iris that I had looked forward to receiving as part of the trade.
Not wanting to send diseased plants, as in the case of your iris with borers is completely understandable. Just tell the person right away, instead of waiting a week and then telling them that, by the way, you forgot to mention it.
If you read my messages here, you will see that I DID NOT mention you by name and I had NOT sent you any kind of negative feedback here at Dave's. I was waiting to make sure the plants lived before leaving feedback, a courtesy I do to any trading partner. And I do feel now that they will make it.
Last evening, I removed them from the bucket they had been soaking in, and potted them up until the weather cools down here in early September. A week of soaking has done them wonders. They no longer look like the same plants I received. Believe me, there was not a stitch of green on them anywhere when I took them out of the bubble envy, as anyone can see from my post above. I trimmed off all the dead leaves last night and now there are lots of green leaves emerging and growing from every piece. Even though this thread is marked closed, I was going to post a picture of them in a few more weeks when all the green foliage grew and tell everyone how they were right and the fans were now thriving.
Soaking cleaned and trimmed daylilies can keep them fresh for weeks, as long as you change the water often. Probably daily, in the heat of summer is necessary and I also keep them out of the hot sun while soaking them.
If I had received plants that I had purchased from a daylily grower or seller, in the condition yours were in when I received them, I would have asked for my money back. I've purchased daylilies from the Lily Auction, various Daylily Farms and growers, eBay, and received more daylilies from traders here on Daves as well as other Plant Message Boards then I can count, and I will say that the daylilies I received from you were the ones in the worst condition I've seen. That being said, they are doing fine now.
I'm sorry you feel as if you are the wronged party, but I feel I was justified in everything I posted here.
Linda
This message was edited Jul 24, 2015 10:43 AM
Linda,
I don't feel as if I was wronged. I do feel judged, belittled and disdained for making a mistake. I sent you this message, to which you replied, so I don't know why it is suddenly invisible to you:
iowhen
Iowa City, IA (Zone 5a)
Mon, July 20, 2015
03:11 PM
Hi Linda,
I hope the DLs have arrived by now. I'm sorry if I disappointed you by sending less-than-robust plants, and not being able to includ irises. I am certain they will do okay once they are in the ground, but if it happens that they don't make it back in the spring, please let me know and I will do my best to make good on the trade.
Gypsy
Igrowinpa
Beaver Falls, PA (Zone 6a)
Mon, July 20, 2015
06:18 PM
They arrived on Thursday.
Linda
I am not a business, which does not mean I don't care about the plants I send out. It does mean that, unlike a business, I might have other priorities that keep me from doing my best. I honestly wasn't thinking about you or the DLs during that week. I was beyond preoccupied. I did the best I could with the time and brain power I had available to me. Your disdain is not going to change that, or my priorities, or my offer to make good in the future if the DLs do not survive. I don't blame you for feeling disappointed, but I don't understand your need for me to have put you first. Seriously.
I love the community here at DG. I love growing flowers, trading flowers, and being part of a wise, experienced and enthusiastic community. I have a strong sense of responsibility, and a desire to help make this a strong community. Part of my sense of responsibility is a refusal to complain about other people behind their back, because that actually weakens trust and discourages people from wanting to participate further. Whether you used my name or not, you chose to put negativity out there instead of trying to build a bridge.
Peace out.