Things I've learned while visiting Texas

Armadillos sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air
Roadrunners don't say "Beep Beep"
There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 live in Texas.
There are 10,000 types of spiders. 10,001 live in Texas.
Armadillos love to dig holes under tomato plants.
Raccoons will test your crop of melons and let you know when they are ripe.
If it grows, it sticks; if it crawls, it bites.
Nothing will kill a mesquite tree.
You cannot find a country road without a curve from corner to corner.
A tractor is NOT an all-terrain vehicle. They do get stuck.

Texas has 6 seasons:
1. Spring: Feb 16 to April 15
2. Summer: April 16 to July 15 (temp 90 to 98 degrees)
3. Super Summer: July 16 to Sept 16 (temp 100 to 112 degrees)
4. Late Summer: Sept. 17 to Oct 1 (temp 90 to 98 degrees)
5. Fall : Oct 2 to Dec. 1
6. Winter: Dec. 2 to Feb 15
The wind blows at 90 MPH from Oct. 2 until July 15, then it stops totally.
Onced and Twiced are words
Fire ants consider your flesh as a picnic.
Graduating 1st in your class means you left in the 8th grade.
Coldbeer is one word.
People actually grow and eat Okra.
When the world ends, only cockroaches and mesquite trees will survive.

Green grass DOES burn.
When you live in the country, you don't have to buy a dog.City people drop them off at your gate in the middle of the night.
The sound of coyotes howling at night only sounds good for the first couple of weeks.
When a buzzard sits on the fence and stares at you, it's time to go to the doctor.
Fixinto is one word.
Backards and Forards means I know everything about you.
You don't have to wear a watch because it doesn't matter what time it is. You work until you're done or it's too dark to see.