An Extra Bumper April Fool's Joke Mix :-)

I was in the town this morning when a Japanese man approached me.

"Please......Can you take?" he said, handing me a camera.

As he sat on the wall smiling, I got into a taxi and thought, "What a nice chap."


Went to the Camouflage Shop today, but couldn't find what I was looking for.


April Fool's Day: The day every newspaper tries to fool readers by sneaking in at least one properly researched, factually correct story.


My wife was furious with me the other day.

I put a stick in a non-stick pan.


I read in the paper that 25% of people are functionally illiterate.

Well, I say read, I kind of got the gist of it from the pictures & graphs.


I'm quite a heavy drinker.

I often have go to court to find out what happened.


I couldn't afford the iphone, so I bought earphones instead.


I think I'd better book my car in for a service.

The "Check Engine" light has stopped working.


I know a drug dealer who suffers from arthritis ...

He's got cracking joints!


Last night my wife said, „ You're the worst vegetarian ever“.

I almost choked on my steak.


I told my wife I loved her this morning...

I wonder if she knows what day it is?


I was eating my breakfast earlier, when the wife came down with a face like thunder.

"I can't believe you've forgotten my birthday AGAIN!" she screamed.

"Nice try Love," I replied, "but you really need to get some new April fools jokes, you try this one every year."


Every time my wife asks whether I notice anything different about her, I wish for a spontaneous zombie apocalypse to improve my chances of survival.


My girlfriend told me to get something to make her look sexy...

She wasnt happy... I came back drunk


The London Sunday Times this morning has a free pull out about a sinking ship...

I can't tell if it's referring to the Titanic or the Government!


I spoke to my Mum last week and she told me that she was so determined to avoid being conned by any April Fool's pranks that she had booked a holiday to Switzerland.

"Why Switzerland?" I asked.

"Well they have lovely mountain views", she replied, "And I've always wanted to go and visit the spaghetti plantations".


Finally got my Canadian history exam results back.. I got an EH


David Cameron "Immigration is essential for Britain to fill the less desirable roles in our society"

I didn't realise they had a national shortage of thieves, muggers, and murderers.


After planning the wedding for six months, the big day is here and I've only one regret...

I won't see her face when she gets the April Fools' text.