Heidi Chronicles: Dreaming of Spring

This is the ongoing story of Heidi and friends, raccoons and the occasional opossum who frequent my backyard wildlife buffet.

This is the time when we normally observe 'winter timeout', the time when the raccoon eat less for a variety of reasons including: lower metabolism in cold weather and much lower nutritional needs since they aren't nursing right now. This time of year I rarely see the raccoons as the forest is usually more than adequate to fill their needs. Unfortunately, in late fall of 2010 the forestry service did a controlled burn in the forest behind my house, the forest that includes the raccoons' habitat. That plus the fact that we are having an extremely cold winter this year unlike anything I've witnessed in my lifetime, with daily temps running 15-20 degrees below normal according to meteorologists, has apparently made it difficult for the raccoons to find enough food this winter. Thus they have been showing up quite frequently.

This winter the raccoons, 5 of them including Heidi, her 3 kits from 2010 now almost grown, and another, slightly smaller youngster, ID unknown, have actually begun sitting around my back door waiting for me, something I've never seen before in winter. In summer when the days are long and the nursing moms are so hungry and exhausted they often hang around on the patio in the afternoon in various manners of repose while waiting for me to serve dinner, but they never did so in winter - until now. They are actually quite cute sitting out there, often huddled together, sitting upright on the door facing like teddy bears their backs against the door. They look so adorable - and so sure I can be counted on to show up with the grub.

Prior Thread: http://davesgarden.com/community/forums/t/1144457/
Original Thread in Series: http://davesgarden.com/community/forums/t/603944/

The picture below is of Heidi eating out on the patio, the somewhat messy patio I'm planning to clean someday. Behind her is my garden card turned on end so as not to collect water and a large potted tree along with leaves and debris blown in by storms, tracked in by critters, and fallen from trees including potted patio trees. She is not as fat as she appears in the photo. Remember, it's COLD out. When cold, raccoon hair stands on end to better insulate the body against heat loss. Thus, like someone in Siberia or the Arctic wearing a huge, thick fur, the raccoons now appear 2-3 times actual size. Heidi looks almost pregnant here, but she isn't. This photo was taken back in late Nov or early Dec when she 1st started showing up on the patio for dinner.

She's got a nice warm looking coat on.

and for any 'cluttered' image... you can always let Debbie clean them up for you. ;-)

ROTFLOL, Terese,

We must never let Debbie live that down either! I thought of Debbie the other day when I posted that pic of Kitty sitting in the window with the cobwebs. (I have a huge problem with spiders on the back of the house where they appear to be sneaking in from the garden. They are non-poisonous varieties but they spin those webs faster than I can take them down, especially up high like that.) I started to post a plea for her to please not help me out with that one, but decided to let it go lest she should start to think me serious. I love to kid her about that incident. She does good work, after all.

That is a nice coat Heidi is wearing. Reminds me of photos I've seen of folks in Siberia and places like that. Some of the youngsters have much prettier coats as some are a bit blondish in color and youthfully thick and luxurious.

Haven't seen the raccoons for a day or two. Still kind of avoiding them - although I do check a time or two each night and will feed them when I see them again. I just don't check as often as I had been. Plus I fell asleep early last night.

Yesterday while doing some cooking for the week, I put out a suspicious egg, a small container of left over mashed potatoes that had been hiding at the back of the fridge, and a tiny chunk of ham, about 1/3 card deck, that turned 'fuzzy' before I got around to using it. I nearly cried over that last item. I'm committed now to trying to use every morsel of food, and ham is especially valuable as a flavoring, not to mention that Kitty would have killed for it, but sometimes stuff happens despite our best efforts.

I put all 3 items on the lawn beside the patio. My whole life I have been taught never to do this, and I found it most difficult to break that rule. I felt almost 'trashy' putting food out by the door that way. However, not a morsel remained this morning, not even the slightest evidence that food had ever been there except for a handful of crushed eggshells a quantity which seemed inadequate to have ever covered the egg.

I marked the egg as suspicious when I put eggs in a pot of cold water to boil them, and that one floated to the top, a sign of an egg that has gone around the bend so to speak its once largely impervious shell now taking on air. The critters outside didn't seem to mind though. I discovered the fur on one section of the ham piece when I took it out to flavor the collards in the crock pot, the 2nd of the 2fer pack I had picked up on the after New Years sale and the reason I had left the ham out of the freezer in the 1st place. Oh, well, live and learn. Again, the critters were not deterred.

they are nature's garbage disposals ...and i mean that in a good way. I do the same thing too.

I know what you mean, Terese,

It's a much better feeling to see the scraps go to such good use than to see them added to the already overburdened waste disposal system, either fed to the kitchen garbage disposal or shipped off to a nearby landfill.

Tonight, after 'missing' me for a few days, the raccoons were careful to arrive early tonight AND to come to the bedroom window to let me know of their arrival. I was up and working, finally, I swear, but had come back in here for something when they found me.

It's all wet and raining out, but I grabbed the camera and ran back out there to get a few pics for those who just might need to see the little guys now and again. Even as I was trying to take pics, it was raining on me - and the camera. The patio remains messy and now that it's wet, it looks worse than ever, but as I have my hands full right now with other things, it will have to stay that way for a while yet. The greenish cast on the patio is mold/algae, the scorge of North facing outer walls and patios in the SE where 52in/yr rain + near 100% humidity in summer - sun (no direct sun on North facing structures) = the perfect home for mold. Normally, I would have had the power wash guys wash the house, patio, drive, sidewalks, etc, but this year that had to be put on the back burner along with many other non-necessities for obvious reasons.

There were only 3 raccoons out there tonight. At least, that's all I saw while I was out there. Still, after leaving that one raccoon out a few nights earlier, I put out the full 5 places. When I left, the 2 extra pile of food sat untouched as the 3 raccoons ate from their respective piles, and the rain ramped up such that it might eventually wash the extra kibble away. It's the story of raccoon feeding. Too much. Too little. Hard to judge it right.

Below is one of Heidi's youngster. Note that he doesn't look so chubby like Heidi does in the cover photo. That's because it's 50+ degrees out there tonight.

Incidentally, for those who know Cocoa, he is lying beside me as I type this. He came here to hang out with me of his own accord. I'm thrilled as this represents a big change from the days of him thinking that I can only pet him in the foyer.

Tonight while I was standing out on the patio only a few short feet from the raccoons, I noticed that Heidi kept looking toward the MBR area. Thinking that Kitty, who was outside at the time, might be over there in the bushes hoping to get inside out of the rain (and that she might actually have been the one who 'called' me at the MBR window), I called "Kitty, Kitty." I didn't see any movement or sign of her.

A few short minutes later after I had taken some 5 pictures, I stepped back toward the door and turned the knob even while still taking pictures. Immediately upon hearing the door knob turn, Kitty appeared a short distance away from me where she was doing her best to conceal herself close up against the house. She was dangerously close to the raccoons. "Come, Kitty" I said opening the door for her to run through. If she made a dash for the door, I knew that Heidi and the others would see her, but my body would be between them and her. I knew Heidi would not attack Kitty so close beside me. Thus I felt she would be safe. Kitty listened to me and ran along the foundation past the raccoons and me to dash through the door to safety.

The raccoons came by last night. I had checked for them several time to no avail. Then later in the night while I was doing some last touch ups in the kitchen, I heard what I thought was Widget at the patio door growling, but it was actually Kitty. I had never heard Kitty make that sound, a sound equal to a growling dog. I had always referred to to that high pitched snarling sound she makes as her growl. This was also the 1st time that Kitty had ever served as raccoon lookout, but I really doubt she did it intentionally.

When I turned the patio light on, there was a youngster up against the door looking in at us, no doubt the one whose proximity had prompted Kitty to growl. When I spoke to him, "Hi, Sweetie," the youngster backed away somewhat frightened by my voice.

In the distance, I could see Heidi. I called to her and even as the youngster backed away from my voice, Heidi came to it. Seeing only the 2 of them out there, I put out 3 dishes of food. Heidi stood back a little and stretched her neck to begin eating even as I was still pouring food into her dish. While I was still out there on the patio filling dishes and talking to them, Heidi was sitting in front of her dish and eating her food.

The youngster was sitting close up beside Heidi and trying to use its hips to push Heidi out of the way so that it could also eat from her bowl. It was a brief but adorable moment, the now almost grown kid trying to eat with mom out of fear of the human towering above them. Two other dishes of food only inches away sat unused, but the youngster was quite determined to muscle his way in to eat in the safety of mom's shadow. The move he used was the one I call The Shove, a move that looks very much like 2 small children scuffling to sit in the same chair, each trying to use its butt to shove the other out of the way.

Heidi held her ground but did not participate in The Shove. She just gently but firmly continued to insist that the youngster go over to eat from his own dish. I spoke to the frightened youngster, "Come on, Sweetie. It's ok". He looked up at me. My voice and demeanor seemed to comfort him. I could see his resolve melt away as the youngster gave up his effort to eat with mom and moved over to another dish to eat.

After I had gone back inside, turned the outside light off, dimmed the lights in the breakfast area, and resumed my work in the other side of the kitchen, I returned twice to again turn the outside light on to see if other raccoons had shown up. Each time I looked, I saw only Heidi and the youngster. The 3rd dish of food lay as yet untouched.

A short time later from the kitchen I heard the distinct sounds of an argument on the patio. I went over there and turned on the light to find a 3rd raccoon sitting on the extra dish of food as though guarding it. She was clearly looking over her shoulder at something behind her on the patio. I stretched to see farther to the side of the patio door. There almost out of sight was a 4th raccoon. Seeing this, I went out and added 2 more piles for a total of 5 places - although I saw only 4 raccoons.

While I was out there this 2nd time walking among them and standing only inches from Heidi's dish to fill the other two, Heidi was spooked by the sight of the kibble bag from which I poured the food, something which has always been scary to her, probably due to some past experience with humans and paper bags or something that resembled them. All of the youngsters had already scattered from the area hiding behind patio benches and trees. Now Heidi, who usually stays out there with me was running a short distance away. While still crouching and pouring food, I called to her, "Heidi, Heidi, it's ok", and she responded immediately to my voice coming back to her dish to continue her meal.

I ended up going to bed before the raccoons finished eating, so I wasn't able to determine whether they ate all of the food I had put out, although my guess is that they did. Heidi was down to the last few bits of kibble in her dish when I left.

An hour later I returned to the kitchen to put the now somewhat cooler pot of soup into the fridge. I stopped by the patio door to check the food situation and found Puddle, the larger, darker opossum, out there foraging about the empty containers in search of anything the raccoons might have left behind. Having arrived in the middle of things, I could not tell whether Puddle might have found some small amount of food when he 1st arrived. I didn't see anything at the time. It was nice to see Puddle again, but given the current financial situation I didn't go out to put out additional food for him. That he was even there (and had been before) seemed to indicate that he had been successful in finding food out there on occasion. That would have to be enough for now.

>>a sound equal to a growling dog.

Oh, yes... Charlie does this.. its a 'throaty' low rumble of a growl. usually when i pick him up and he wants to be left alone.

LOL, Terese,

I can SO sympathize. Kitty has gotten much better now, but until very recently she snarled at me every time I picked her up. It was disconcerting. I felt very unloved.

I had never heard that growling sound. I had been calling the snarling sound a growl thinking it was the cat version of growling, but now that I know Kitty can actually growl in the 'normal' way, I need a new name for the other sound. Thus I've settled on snarling for lack of a better option.

My little Sarah really does a serious growl at Dogwood, who just loves to harras, chase, tease......her. I wish just once she could have front claws and give him a good swat. No doubt that is much of the reason he heckles her to no end. well....and he is twice her size...and he is aboiut 18 months old...(typical teen male cat I guess!)

I call that high-pitched, obviously angry vocalizing "cat cursing." Here's an extreme example, with subtitles:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQcKsIF_RZ0

...It would be a lot funnier if the cursing cat weren't so clearly a male...

I love it!! Made my morning, thanks.

That was so funny i have tears in my eyes. and it scared the CRAP out of Lucky.... he ran over near me on the counter... tail all fluffed up - really looking uneasy... then ran up the stairs. DH said he really looked scared.

I wanted to replay it for DH -- the added text was a hoot.... but i dont want to scare the cats again.

The raccoons just showed up. I put out 5 piles of food. The last time I looked, I saw 4 raccoons eating. That 5th one will probably show up in time. While I was scooping up food for them, the raccoons were watching me through the door. I thought that would make a cute picture that I could probably get, so I ran for the camera.

This is Heidi looking in at me. She had walked away from the window but actually came back and looked in when I called her name. That's when I took this picture. (There are things in the picture that don't even exist. I gather they are reflections or distortions of some kind.)

Here is one of the youngsters looking in.

Ruth,

Yep! That is the sound too which I was referring. And the video was hilarious! I laughed almost the whole time it was playing. Then I thought, "I sure hope that's not an example of the kind of emotion Kitty is expressing when she 'curses' at me."

When Kitty curses at me for picking her up, it sounds like, "If you like that face, you better put me down..."

Ruth,

Except for maybe the size, I couldn't tell that the cursing cat was a male. I figured them for one of those couples where you see this Amazon woman with a scrawny little guy.

Cheryl -- Miss Heidi really is a beautiful creature. I do not ever recall seeing that good of a photo of her. What a healthy looking coat she is wearing.

and that little one... how cute.

Terese,

Em, just checking, but are you looking at the same photo I'm looking at. The one that really dark and fuzzy? It must look a lot better on you monitor than on mine. LOL. Thanks. What do you like about that pic of Heidi? There is something I like about it but am having trouble putting it into words. I think it's the intensity of her stare and the emotion in her eyes. Heidi doesn't show a lot of emotion often. But standing there at the door watching me scoop out the food, she looks very hopeful. I think that's it.

Oh, and, yes, those youngsters are all adorable. Notice how that one has lighter hair, not blond but definitely lighter. Sort of a throwback to HRH.

Thanks!

>> Post #8323360

it's a beautiful photo.. crisp and clear. i can even see pebbles or wood chips on the patio.

TeeHee -- must be your MAC. rofl.

she just seems so content looking thru the window like she's waiting for an old friend... not really even intense, just content. liek waiting patiently.

ROTFLMAO, Terese!

You had me going there for a minute. I was totally scratching my head. Good one! I definitely need to switch back to Windows.

Yeah! I think that's it. I think you nailed it. Above I was just searching. I knew I was having trouble 'naming' the thing I did like about the picture. The one thought that kept coming to me but which I didn't say is that she reminds me of a pet there waiting. I think that's along the lines of what you ID'd as "content" and "for an old friend". But I think I got the part that it shows feeling right - just got which feeling wrong. Heidi wears her tough, in control, leader face most of the time, rarely letting us glimpse inside. I've seen her show moments of feeling many times but as they are brief I rarely catch them in photos.

Thanks again - for the praise AND the laugh!

LOL...no problem. glad i could brighten your morning. :-D

Those are 2 great pictures, Cheryl. I agree that Heidi just appears to be patiently waiting as if all is very usual about her waiting outside the window for you to prepare her meal. The young one looks a bit more excited (maybe not the right word). I love their black noses that always remind me of a clown nose except for the color.

Thank you, Sheri,

Thanks very much for the compliment.

Makes sense really. This is all new for the young one, whereas Heidi has been waiting one place or another for me to bring her a meal for 5yrs now. I guess it is 'dinner as usual' to her. Do you remember that one pic of the Survivor kit (can't recall name at this moment), the photo I named Clown Nose?

You probably meant this and it may merely be semantics, but I just want to make sure everyone understands the photo. Heidi & the youngster are pictured standing on the patio (at ground level) and looking through the bottom of the patio door (which is largely glass) into the breakfast area of the kitchen. The entire patio door looks like that, glass (with dividers) all the way top to bottom. I just want to take this opportunity to be sure everyone understands the pictures, so in the story when I say that they are looking through the door or that I can see them through the door, everyone will know what I mean.

Thanks again. While these aren't the exact pictures you requested, they were the closest I could get so far.

Sheri -- speaking of clowns... were you around when Cheryl posted that photo of Baby Rupert... totally looking like a little smiling "coon clown.

She sent me the original photo and i have it framed on my dresser. He was just so sweet looking.

Terese,

That's the photo to which I was referring in my question to her in the above post. Rupert! Of course. I know his name, I just could not find it in my jumbled memory bank. Time to run the memory cleanup tool. That picture of baby Rupert, the picture you like so much and have framed on your dresser, is the one I originally dubbed "Clown Nose" the day I 1st posted it, before you 'claimed' it.

When I 1st downloaded that photo I saved it on my computer under the name "Clown Nose" because his big, albeit adorable, nose in the photo reminded me of a clown's nose. If you go back to the place in the threads where it was originally posted, you will see that I even called it that at the time. The designation wasn't meant to be derogatory, btw, but just to help me recall and find the photo at the time. I frequently give such names to any photo that stands out when downloading as doing so makes them easier to find later when I'm posting photos on the thread.

Oh, I wish to see Rupert with his clown nose if either one of you can locate it.
and , thank you Cheryl for taking those kitchen door pics of raccoons. Do ya think you might be the Raccoon equivalent of a fast food drive thru?
LOL


This message was edited Jan 22, 2011 9:35 PM

Found it...

http://davesgarden.com/community/forums/fp.php?pid=4269396

this was Baby Rupert, we all felt he was such a survivor due to having Britany aka"Diva" as a mother.
Survivor = Rupert [if you ever watched the Survivor TV show]

Cheryl also believes poor Diva was hit by a car... she was not a very good mother though.

Lil Rupert turned out to be a Rupita though, as a yr or so ago she showed up with a Kit.

LOL, Sheri,

I hadn't thought of my drive thru that way, but yeah, I guess so. You're welcome for the pics. Sorry I haven't been able to get those 1st look views you asked for. I did get some additional pics tonight but haven't downloaded them yet and don't know how good they may be (or not).

I mentioned I got more pics tonight, so clearly the raccoons were here - the whole bunch. Just before going to bed after Widget's midnight walk, I went to the patio door and turned the light on not expecting to actually find anyone out there. I was surprised to see Heidi and that same youngster there. The stood upright at the door their little hands in the air when they saw me. They looked incredibly happy to see me, happy and relieved.

Lately, Heidi and that one youngster sit and stand at the door waiting for me while the others hide behind shrubs farther away and come out only after the food is out and I've gone inside. It was very cold out tonight (in the 20's). Heidi looked incredibly happy and relieved to see me at the door perhaps because it meant she and the youngsters would not have to spend all or most of this very cold night out foraging for miles in search of food.

Outside, as I was putting the food out, several of the raccoons were nearby and looked as though they wanted to come to the food. I spoke to them, calling their names as I worked. When I addressed Heidi, she came over to her dish and began eating. I hadn't actually seen or identified Petey, but I called his name and spoke to him, figuring he must be there. As soon as I did so, he came out from behind a large pot (holding a patio tree). He just walked up and put his nose to my hand sniffing me. His demeanor said, "Did you want something?" I just hadn't expected him to respond so quickly to his name. I'm well aware that Heidi knows her name, but I didn't realize Petey knew his - and so well. He just popped right out from behind the pot as if to say, "Yes? You called me? Here I am. What do you want?"

After I came back inside and turned off the light, I checked outside again a few minutes later and all 5 of them were out there eating from their respective places. I've cut back a bit on qty giving each maybe 1c food, enough to supplement their diet and keep them from going hungry, but probably not all they want or need.

Edited to add that seeing Heidi and the youngster standing upright on the other side of the glass door perked me up. It had an immediate and unexpected effect on my spirits and brought a smile to my face.

This message was edited Jan 23, 2011 1:13 AM

As I mentioned, I did get a few pics last night. I was trying to get pics of the raccoons standing upright. Unfortunately, the combination of darkness, glass, glare, and camera defect conspired to render most of my efforts null. I did get a few so-so results.

If, w/o help from Widget or Kitty, I find the raccoons on the patio waiting and undisturbed by growling pets, they are usually sitting around on or against the door facing much as one might expect people to do. When I turn the outside light on, often it is dark inside. Through glass, in a dark room, and backlit by bright lights from the cooking area of the kitchen, apparently they can't see me at all well. They stand upright against the door seeming to struggle to see me. Seeing their struggle I am prompted to turn on the light in the breakfast room so that they can more easily see me.

For a few minutes they continue to stand upright and close to the door as though trying to communicate with me, as though telling me that they are hungry, as though asking me to please bring them some dinner. These were the moments I sought to commit to photographs on that particular evening.

Here is that same youngster seen earlier but this time standing upright at the door. You can also see part of Heidi's head on the right. (BION, I washed the glass in that door a few days ago for this very purpose, and it is so clean that it 'disappears' by day. 90% of that 'stuff' in the photo is the result of the camera's very active imagination - that's my story.)

Edited to add. Note the raccoon's hand on the door propping him up.

This message was edited Jan 23, 2011 3:23 PM

Here you see Heidi (left) standing upright on her hind legs and the youngster (right) who appears to be on all 4s. In this one I like that I managed to catch Heidi with her hands up that way.

The camera was behaving very badly last night. Lately, it either seriously over or under exposes things in some 80% of pics.

(Most of the stuff that appears to be behind them is actually the result of reflections of things inside the room. As part of my ongoing cleanup, I have some boxes in the room that I need to take to the garage. The yellow reflections are my rubber, cleanup gloves which are draped across one of the boxes inside the room. As usual I need to explain myself.)

Edited to clarify who's standing upright and who isn't.

This message was edited Jan 23, 2011 3:22 PM

Several of my attempts just came out black. Even in photoshop I was unable to bring out enough detail to see the raccoons. This is the last of the photos that came out even remotely legible, and as you can see this one is quite poor. I had to work it over in editing software to even find Heidi at all. Shown here she is looking in through the door.

Edited to remove 'on all 4s' because she actually looks like she may be standing upright in the photo.

This message was edited Jan 23, 2011 3:19 PM

Just to clarify, none of the photos shown to date illustrate what I've been telling you all along about what I see when I 1st walk up and turn on the lights. Those brief moments remain illusive. I will continue to try to commit some of them to photos should the opportunity present itself, but so far those very adorable moments continue to live only in my memory.

I can surely see how those little faces could brighten your day. This is a very special relationship. And how about Petey coming out immediately upon hearing you call his name. What a treasure!!

Hi Sheri,

I know. I totally wasn't expecting that. Petey not only came out, but he also walked right up to me and put his nose to my hand. At that moment, his behavior was no different from what I might have expected from Widget. They are pretty special to me.

Not sure just what to make of the raccoon situation tonight. Very early in the evening, maybe 7:30 or 8, I turned on the patio light to see 2 youngsters out there. One was especially small and looked like it might be the 5th wheel from Heidi's group. If so, the other one would most likely be one of Heidi's youngsters. But if so, where was Heidi?

The 2 youngsters were a bit confused. They seemed to know they were supposed to come here for food, but at the same time they were afraid of me. When I spoke to them through the door as I do every time I see them, these 2 ran away and hid (probably in nearby shrubs). I went to get the food and returned to find them gone. I looked out the door and called to them to no avail. Oh, well, I thought as I put things away again.

A few minutes later they were back at the door. Strange, I thought. I grabbed my food again and headed out, but as soon as I opened the door to go out, they ran away. Since they hadn't gone far the 1st time, I figured they would again return as soon as I went back inside, so I put the food out, 5 piles plus bones from one piece of chicken. But this time, they did not return. Every time I checked, all 5 piles of food sat undisturbed. Apparently, when I went outside I scared them off for real, sending them back to the forest.

A little while ago when Widget and I returned from our midnight walk, I checked one last time. The same 2 youngsters were back and were eating. Most of the 5 piles of food were still out there, a sure indication that Heidi and her group had never shown up. It's very cold tonight. It's 29F now and will likely drop to the low 20's before morning. Heidi and her group should have shown up by now if they were coming. I think they must be holed up somewhere to stay warm. They must not be coming out. I've seen this before. When it gets really cold out there (like 28 and below), Heidi doesn't show up.

I'm not sure whether the two that are out there are 2 from Heidi's group, 2 of the timid ones that only come out of hiding after I go back inside, or if they are actually 2 siblings from another parent. I'm beginning to suspect the latter. I think they may have come to the patio at least once before when Heidi and her group were not around. I suspect that Heidi's group is with Heidi wherever she is tonight and under her tutelage they are all staying in for the entire cold night. If those 2 that are out there now are 'alone' with no 'adult' supervision, they probably aren't making the best or safest choices.

Upon seeing them out there eating a few minutes ago, I quickly turned the patio light off again and came to bed to avoid scaring them off again. From the looks of things out there on the patio, much of that food will likely still be out there in the morning. On the coldest nights I don't think the opossums show up either. This is why I like to wait until the raccoons arrive before putting food out. Of course, tonight even that didn't work out so well.

The patio pics are adorable!

Glad everyone enjoyed the cursing kitty video; my monitor was wearing coffee the first time I saw it. Cheryl, it's the jowls and muscle tone that give away the gender on the big cream & white profanity-spewer...though I quite like the Amazon with wimpy male idea.