Apropos of Nothing v.8

Ah, Summer, there is no normal. It's never easy.

FYI, DH's father worked as a stockbroker from Seattle and managed it by working a veeery early day here-starting at 5am. Just a little something to think about.

Well, so we sat down & he showed me all his spreadsheets and it is true that, because of the way his recent bonuses were structured, if he were to just walk away, he would be leaving more money on the table than I probably have made in my lifetime.

So OK, he has to work 2-3 more years, I hear that. And I heard a vague, "I'm lonely without you, maybe I'll angle for a buyout in another year or so."

What I didn't hear was, "Given the employment situation, here is what I think we should do in the meantime & here is where I envision us going afterward."

I love the geranium picture!!! Especially the group of girls! Marvellous.

Relationships are like gardening, getting the soil right takes years!

Guys don't always know what you want to hear them talk about and what points to discuss. Maybe you should ask him what he thinks and envisions, tell him your thoughts, and try to come up with a plan that will work for both of you. If you really want to be with him for the duration of your life and he with you, these few years can be worked out in some way even if not ideal. I personally have a hard time seeing how boodles more money in a life is so important, if a person already has enough (though I don't know if that is the situation here), but maybe there is more to it than that for him, such as seeing a job through to completion or a vision realized. I have no clue what the man's work is or if his identity is wound up in it, just throwing out some thoughts here.

For Jack, I think it's an issue of having enough money (right now) to retire but perhaps have to be careful, versus hanging in there a couple of years & being able to do anything you dang well want, buy huge beautiful greenhouses for your g'friend & make sure that, if she takes off in the middle of the night, she has some money in her pocket ....

I like the "hanging in there a couple of years and being able to do anything you dang well want, buy beautiful greenhouse for your g'friend..." My kinda guy! Not having to worry makes the rest of your life magical. I'm sorry it isn't as you'd like in the here and now, but what a wonderful soul to share life with. Perhaps if the economy does better, it will be a quicker turnaround for him and "retirement" will arrive sooner. In the meantime, at least you have found "home".

Besides, two to three years really isn't all that long if you can keep up the visits. Is it possible for him to work from home at all? That kind of payout and future security is worth a lot, especially these days-and especially with "home" being a small town on the Oregon coast making jobs a bit harder to come by. And, to be able to get there in only two to three years, that would be really difficult for me to walk away from, too. Financial whiz doesn't necessarily mean creative, though. Maybe you'll have to figure out a way to make it work instead of counting on him. Seems to me that women are better at creative solutions and seeing a solution from a different angle/"thinking outside of the box".

I like the idea of working from a distance. I wonder if that would be possible at least for blocks of time. I'm encouraging my dh to do that so we can spend more time on the boat when the weather is nice. (Although that likely would not bode well for my garden, or my practice. Oh well, who cares about the practice.) If Jack wants to be with you, maybe he could make that happen at least half the time.

Yes, he could. He actually did for about 10 days in November & it worked well but he is indeed a bit conservative & by the book (Susy, you really are a smart one).

I guess my issue is that he hasn't just made a plan & mapped it out for me -- he is still smack in the Midwest mentally, talking about how he'd like to build a cooler house on one of the Kankakee properties. The long-distance thing would be workable for me, especially because we've managed to spend a week together every month so far, but it would be easier if there were a more-specific commitment & measurable goals toward which to work.

OK the guys perspective. Summer : START DATING AND LET HIM KNOW IT. If there is any long term in his heart you will get a ring and a date in very little time. If he is uncommited you only get to meet some potential friends.

Omigosh, Sofer, that would be cruel! It would hurt his feelings A LOT.

Also, the only date I would get is with a smokejumper who fell WHAM right out of the sky into my back yard & broke both his legs.

No it is not cruel it is a way to make a man commit which is what he should do anyway. Cruelty is not the issue. Commitment is and timing is everything to make circumstances come together. Let see logger with broken legs, hmmm sounds good to me!

I don't agree with Soferdig's idea either. That would seem to throw yet another monkey wrench into the mix, and I don't get the feeling that outside dating is a direction Summerkid wants to go at this point. It appears she wants a more concrete definition of their status. Have you asked him directly?

Oh yeah, it's not status or commitment so much, Jack is imprinted on me like a baby bird. He says he wishes it were otherwise but that I'm the only woman he thinks about. Of course, he SAYS he's "trotting bimbos through the place left & right," but they must all bring their own blow dryers, because mine was exactly where I left it.

I would say that, in this instance, Jack's worst quality is kind of just floating along, accepting things as they are as long as they're not TOO bad. Plus, he's still angry that I moved away, saying that means I have no desire to meet him halfway.

Come to think of it, it's been 20 years since I was with a guy who really had a vision, rather than seeming relieved to be with a take-the-bull-by-the-horns woman like me who has many ideas. Many, many ideas. Too many, perhaps (I always want to be ripping down one end of the house & starting from scratch.)

SK: here's a little sunshine via one of its many forms - lotus vine flowers:

Oh, I had THREE of those, Katye, and I forgot & left them out in the garden this winter. Grrrrrrrrr ... they weren't easy for me to find.

you'll find them at the box stores here! Also - Fred meyer. they are in OR, and some of their garden centers carry a huge variety of not-so-typical fare.

How about this?
One of the ornamental oreganos & I don't recall her name at the moment:

Mmmmmm ... gimme. I love pinky-purple, like with borage. Is there pulmonaria here? It bloomed in the spring in Chicago.

sometimes it's not necessary to go out and date others. Sometimes just asking if you should consider it moves things along, especially when people are holding resentments. On the other hand, did you actually move and abandon him?
Okay, I'm going to bed now.

Summer I feel badly that things did not go as you wished with THE MAN.

"Jack's worst quality is kind of just floating along, accepting things as they are as long as they're not TOO bad."

It sounds like Jack keeps you at least a little grounded - you with your wild side. But remember that you can't really change a person's basic personality. At least I don't think you can. Ahhhh, the mystery of attraction!

An update on my search for a new doctor. I found a group of women internal medicine specialists that have started a practice for female patients in the Center for Women's Health at OHSU. One of them was recommended by my gastroenterologist but she said they are all very good. When I called to make an appointment the physician actually called me back to make sure I had no pressing issue. My gynecologist is in the same Center for Women's Health so now I can go to the same place for both. The support staff said she rarely runs behind since they schedule a little differently. Interesting.

Oh, that sounds very promising, Judi.

In case I get kicked off DG here is my email address. I would be unhappy to lose contact with any of you.

judith.darin@gmail.com

Judi, I don't think you'll be kicked off.

Something good to report!!! While I was gone, the sun began to clear the hill behind my house & there is now actual sunlight in my house again!!! (How do I know? The sun is finally out today for the first time in weeks.) Talk about feeling like spring!

So that means the house itself is in shade for about 2.5 months each winter. If I ever had a huge, random chunk of money come my way, I would add a large studio over the garage & bedroom wing, because that would always be in sun.

It is sunny here as well and it feels so good. I'm trying not to think that spring is here because we all know what a tease Mother Nature is!

Summer - I just had to let my feelings known. Every regret I have in my life, or thing I wish I could do over, involves me not speaking my mind or sticking up for myself or for others.

OH Portland, That last line is so true.

I have regrets in pretty much every action or reaction one could have in life.

But could NOT be happier right this moment. It's 60 degrees & sunny, a fragrant mossy world for my enjoyment. Osita & I went for a run & I had to take my sweatshirt off.

Hey, should I prune my rosemary bushes? Or lavender?

You should prune lavender just as it starts to grow again in the spring. And prune in fall just to take the dead flowers off. Probably different opinions on this? I just prune my rosemary back in the early spring.

Also, I have lots of roses or unknown types (my first experience with roses). Even though they're leafing out already, perhaps I should just chop them to the ground?

In late February, prune them back to I8" or just to shape and fertilize. (General rule). Each type of rose is different as to pruning.
I once did cut my climbing peace rose to within 3' of the ground. Came back just super. They really like to be fertilized.

This message was edited Feb 5, 2010 4:38 PM

Is the rose pruning the same idea for florabundas? Cut to about 18" and to shape? I have not such good luck with roses, only buy resistant florabundas and am always a bit unclear how/when to prune. I'll also try the drastic prune for my two climbers (Cecille Brunner), they are getting really out of hand.

Rosemary and lavender are known as subshrubs. Pruning them in the spring will start new growth, so wait until you know for sure that the temperatures are going to support this. It would usually be later in the spring, but I think we're already there this year.

At the rose garden at the Woodland Park in Seattle, the roses look so neat and tended during winter. Everything is cut back to something under a foot . . . with well-established roses, you definitely need to get big pruners to do that!

Everything is going to get the one-size-fits-all treatment this year. There is a wacky white rose that is about 9 feet tall VERY THORNY & it blocks the view from my Jacuzzi bath. It might be the first casualty of "under new ownership."

Totally upright canes, though, not arching like wild roses with which I'm familiar.

And it spreads breathlessly.

It may be your large white rose was a grafted one that died and it is now the root-stock that is growing. Does it have clumps of small flowers?

Summer, Roses here are wonderful things, and like Willow says, each variety needs different pruning for optimum performance, and it also depends on what your vision of "optimum performance" is. I love a "big riotous" rose garden, so I don't prune very agressively. If any of my roses are cut back to under 3 feet, it is unusual. The end result is that I usually have bushes up right at eye level (or over my head, depending on variety) by the end of the season. I have heard that cutting back lower produces bigger blooms, and I know that it produces stronger canes (I have to stake most of my roses by the end of the season), but I want what I want and that is a big bushy explosion of color. This pic was taken July 2nd. Boy I can't wait for summer!

And I want what you have. That is so beautiful.

Wow, cross posted with a bunch of you! That's what happens when I stop to look for a picture!

Bonehead, with Floribundas, again it depends on the variety of rose you have and your desired end result. They are left much "bushier" that the HT's. You prune for your desired shape and size, and prune off any crossing growth and any branches that are going into the middle of the bush. They bloom on much smaller "branches" so all of the little branches will flower. Again, I leave mine much larger than most people do, but the end result is well worth it IMHO. On the other hand, my rose garden never looks "neat and organized" like the formal ones do, even in the winter.

I am going to start really pruning my kids (have been cutting back the really tall stuff all winter so that the wind doesn't whip them around too badly) in probably two weeks considering the warm winter we have had. I usually get the itch around the first of Feb, and sometimes have been burned when the weather gets cold again. On the other hand, I start with my warmest gardens, and I have about 200 roses, so it takes me a bit of time.

Willow, it's really funny how you feel about about your own gardens versus others. Obviously I like my chaos, or I would have done it differently. Fortunately, I have bunches of room to garden in, so I can let things get big and still add more plants if I want them. The flip side is when I look at a garden like your's in all of it's elegance, I long for the nice neat paths that you can walk through without being grabbed from every side by misc poorly mannered plants, and your wonderfully sculpted trees and bushes. That's the joy of sharing our virtual gardens!

Julie, that is just beautiful. But my roses are sporadically placed & have been neglected for a couple of years.

I also desperately need to carve out a bit of veggie space so am eyeing that monstrous bed-hogging rose (can't remember whether the blooms were clumped or not, but they certainly were lovely) and a huge bed of irises. Both can be moved, I s'pose.