A few short funnies

A man came back to the dealer from whom he bought a new car.
"I believe you gave me a guarantee with my car," he said. "That’s right, sir," the salesman answered. "We will replace anything that breaks."
"Fine, I need a new garage door."
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Pat and Mick have just started their job installing telegraph poles. At the end of the first week they both go to collect their wages and the boss tells Mick he is dismissed. Why? asks Mick. Well, said the boss. Pat has put in 50 poles this week and you have only done 5, Mick looks rather perplex, and says, "but look how far he has left them sticking out."


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An elderly womanwas brought to the ER with a fractured hip. The ER doctor knew that surgery would be in order for the patient. "Have you ever undergone surgery?" he asked.
"Yes," the woman said. "Remember what type of surgery was it?" "I’m not sure," the old lady said. "It was a long time ago." The physician noticed a scar on the right side of the woman’s abdomen. He pointed to the scar. "Is this where you had the surgery?" he asked.
"No," said the woman. "It was in Brooklyn."


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Maurice was known among his friend for the promptness with which he sent his ex-wife her alimony payment each month. When asked the reason for his rush, he shivered and explained,

"I’m afraid that if I ever should fall behind in my payments she might decide to repossess me."